Last time we looked at the time Al came cycling and the impact he had and still does. So what do you do to cope with someone like Al?
I am sure there are many solutions, many areas of help and many ways to cope. I have always said this blog is about my experiences, my interpretation and if any Counsellors or doctor’s reading this disagree with it then that’s fine. Equally any one living with an Al, this may not be the way you feel.
So, over time with a separation between, I have had two bouts of counselling. One was pre-Al one was with Al. Let’s go pre Al first then we can see how my friend Al gets on with it later.
My first referral for Counselling came from work some two years ago. Work was proving stressful, too much to do and so little time; a common situation. I sort of felt that things were getting on top of me, I felt tired and on a short fuse most of the time then it came to a head at a managers meeting. The senior manager was literally talking shite, management shite, and I felt I had so much to do I was wasting time and I said so. Like a naughty school boy I was made to stay behind and was bawled out. I reacted and bawled back which is not like me, I beat bullies by logic and calm not lowering myself. I found my fists were clenched in my pockets and I was ready to lash out. Thankfully, the thoughts of instant dismissal, the loss of earning and pension kicked in my flight hormones and I walked off. The next day I contacted occupational health and the following week I found myself in a waiting room watching tv, drinking coffee and awaiting my first meeting. Now if anyone has watched the Sopranos, that morning I was Tony when he first went to Counselling in fact I was singing the theme tune by Alabama 3 in my head. “woke up this morning and got myself a gun….” I looked up to see a young lady with a huge smile on her face, perhaps the theme tune was not just in my head…oops.. “do you want to come in?” This was Cerys, my first Counsellor, a lady that was to put all my Soprano thoughts out of head. Two weeks later I was diagnosed with stress related depression and in week 6 we started looking at coping mechanisms. My inner Tony Soprano came out, “mindfulness? Oh please save me from the whale music and pan pipes”. The smile, or was it a grimace, came across Cerys’s face along with an eye roll and I was introduced to breathing exercises without a whale in sight or sound. Week 8 we became a team and week 10 we parted due to funding. Cerys made it clear I was not cured but armed to cope.
These sessions proved useful but I have entitled this post Counselling and stuff. I don’t personally believe that at this time counselling was a one trick pony and there were other parts available, some found mainly by chance. In any club environment, cycling or otherwise, you have friends and you have acquaintances. You don’t always know the answer until something goes wrong. I have been lucky to find two friends in cycling both of whom helped during this time. Being able to talk things through with trust cannot be under estimated. Acquaintances listen but don’t really care to understand and the trust is not there, you can soon find this out. As Bob Hoskins once said “its good to talk” (target audience) but only to the right people, people who care.
However, the greatest impact was found by chance and it was a distant one. A friends comment popped up on social media responding to an article which seemed to resonate. I knew this friend had been through mental health issues and the comments resonated but more to do with what he had found. What he had found was a podcast entitled “GritYorkshire2019”. Intrigued I downloaded it and what a listen it was. Two Toms, Tommy and Dr Tom, interviewing or rather taking to Jonny Brownley about masculine norms. So much sense came out, the way the two Toms talked and the candid comments from Jonny really helped. Grit Yorkshire is all about mental health and sport, Tommy being a cyclist. I have messaged Tommy on numerous occasions and he always quickly responds. All their episodes with a variety of guests give strong positive messages, find it and get it! Available on iTunes podcasts and Spotify.
Part 2 of Counselling and Stuff will deal with the melt down I had, taking Al along and continuing with other stuff. I have split it not only because part 1 is lengthy but I have found Part two to be hard to write emotionally. This blog is therapy for me, coming out of my counselling sessions, so I am emotional when it comes to putting it out there, part two is more so.
See you later
Me and Al: Cycling through mental health 